Home Sweet Home

18 December 2017. Kim Jonghyun has left all of us to the better place. At first, I was like “What kind of fuckery it is?” Am not a shawol, but Jonghyun is the composer that I respect a lot. When the news had been confirmed by SM Entertainment, I can’t help myself but crying a river. I have this dream to become a great composer, and one day I will met him then makes song together. Turn out God loves him more than I do. You had done a great job, Jonghyun. Thank you for everything. Thank you for not giving up your dream to being an idol. Thank you for all of beautiful song you had created for the rest of your life. Thank you for enduring your pain and being though for us. I am sorry, I can’t realize your pain. I am sorry, I can’t help you overcoming your depression. You will always be remembered by “Jonghyun The Composer” in my heart. I’ll pray for you, every single day.

It's been a long time since my last post. And I hope u will not be bored with this kind of post. Hell yes, I will blabbering about my problem again. Sorry, I just can't find another way to talk about it. Yesterday, my mom asking me to drove her to my grandma's house. In the middle of the way, unfortunately our motorcycle step into a hole (sorry for my bad English, I hope u will understand). So, I bring it to the service place. While waiting our motorcycle to ready to repair. My mom post unnecessary thing in my big-family group whats app. Although I know that this is my fault cause I lack of concentration while ride it, but I think she doesn't need to make this thing as the biggest mistake that my whole biggest family need to know. U know what she post? She said that "I am so unlucky, in the middle of the way to grandma's house my daughter makes false. She ride pass a hole, that makes us had to stop to repair the tire" I kind of mad at that, because right...

I always act like I'm fine and everyone thinks I'm okay, but when the lights are off and I'm all alone. that's when my tears start to fall. Best thing 2016 has taught me so far is don't force relationships with anybody, if they wanna fwu they gone act like it, words mean nothing I want a hug. Not just a normal hug, one of those tight hugs that take my breath away, give me butterflies, and make me smile like crazy. Being in a relationship is not about kissing, dates, taking pictures or showing off. It's about being with the person who makes you happy. You can’t change how people feel about you, so don’t try. Just live your life and be happy. I want a relationship where everyone is like "damn, they're still together?" Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. The first person you think of in th...

Today is the day when I finally deciding my own path of life. I know my mom wouldn't approve it immediately. But, soon as I am making any progress she will. It's so hurting when ur own mom are always disagree with anything u wanna do in your life. I know for damn sure that parents always hoping their best for their child. Meanwhile I had another dream that is so different path with my mom has been asking me to be lately. I realize something that nowadays I am becoming the bad ass children. I yell and raising my voice to my parents which makes my parents heartache. I promise to my self, I won't do it again. Because I wanna achieving my own goal. Right now, I am following my parents dream to graduating my collage and Am doing my thesis right now. I am doing my best so I can graduate on time. After graduating I will work harder so I can catch my own dream and make my parents proud of me.

Last noon, my friends and I go to a place near my college. We are trying to do our task. Instead of doing our task, we ended up browsing about dance practice and video calling with an Arabic people from one of my friend face book. I also looking for some job that I can take during my time after classes. Cause I want work to helping my mom or at least I can spend my money on dancing class and acting class. Y’all now right, what is my damn goal?. As I said, I really want be an artist or actress. I love acting and dancing, although I like dancing more. This will be the year when I starting to reach my own goal and focusing in finishing my study. No more years, this will be the last year I am in this university, I promise. I don’t want delay it anymore. I am old enough for being a girl in a girl group right? So, I guess I’ll take my dream as an actress that loves to dancing and singing. I don’t know what fortune will say about my future. But I think it’s worth to try. When I brave enough...

My ambition being an artist in Seoul is getting bigger. Not to mention, Bangtan is the most important reason why I am so eager to be an artist over there. If I can’t be with one of them, at least I can meet them or being participate in one of their music video, right?. I will work my asses to get myself over there and get a chance to meet them. Well, it won’t be my ambition if only I don’t know about Kpop. Blame my friend for welcoming me to Kpop, but am also thankful to her. If it’s not because of her, I won’t be able to know Bangtan and Bigbang. I won’t even know how awful and fun is trying the Kpop dance practice. I love to dance, but dancing Kpop song is different thing. Somehow the choreography is too complicated. Instead of dancing like the original choreography, I usually create new choreography. I guess it just because I love dance so much. Every time I listen to music, my body will move immediately. Although I also like to sing but I am way more confident in dancing tha...

I am an 22 y.o girl, not too tall but not too short either. Am the tallest girl in my class to be honest. Shoulder length hair, tan skin, flat nose, have a dimple in my right cheek, i don't have bridge tooth, i have some pimples on my face, and good body shape (this is not me saying, but some of the boys in my college). I can be too girly or too boyish, it depends on my mood by the way. Just because of my feature some people even my lectures are bullying me. They often said like I am too handsome for being a girl and why am I too far away different with my young sister? Let me tell you about her. She is taller than me, she has bridge tooth, sharp nose, white skin, her face skin is too clear, and she is thin (Am saying this basic on the reality), well she is girly or I can say she is feminine.  the one in black veil is my young sister I just don't get it why Y'all comparing me to her? I am who I am, I love my self tho. Don't blame me because of my feature. God ...

Again, that's question comes from my mom's friends and my whole big family. Seriously!, like dude Seriously! WTF. Am just turning 22 this year and Y'all asking me this, again?  I dun wanna married except with one of BTS members. Sorry, haha. Kidding. Am not planning to get married soon. I just wanna work my asses and got amount of money to help my mom.

I’ve been thinking lately. Especially about my future. I don’t know that I spazzed out really bad. I just realize it today, when my mom talking to me. She said that I look like overthinking and motionless for these days, am I ? When she asks to me, there's concern and worry in her voice. I hate it, I fucking hate it when my mom worrying about me. I hate it when someone worrying me. I dun wanna make my mom worry. Like Really. Why ???? Damn it, I run out my word, my brain is literally stopped. Why???

I think am gonna start doubting my self. Like, I hate my self. I don't really like out of my house for a long time. But, I like making friend tho, through internet. Hmmm... Am starting to stop coming to university. I dunno why, I just hate my self. It feels like I don't wanna make my self better. Although I really want it. Like, How could I don't wanna make my self better. I do really need motivation or am gonna kill my self. I am depressed. I don't know what to do with my life. Can't I just disappear??? I need someone or something that keep me motivated. But, I dunno what and how Am afraid I can;t make my mom happy. But, my mind it;s doesn't work properly. Like, it will reject every time I wanna do something good. I really want to commit suicide or kill my self right now.

After working for a year then u turn to come back to study. It feels like I don't wanna study again. Well, working can make money right? whether study isn't. I choose to look for part time job just to fill the rest of my day. Unluckily, I haven't found it yet. I really wanna make some video in you tube about dance and singing skill. But, my voice is kinda manly. If u ever know Jessi from Kpop industry, my voice kinda like her but way more heavy just like V or Kim Taehyung from BTS, I guest. It makes me had no confidence. What I had to do with my damn voice????. And again, am not a dancer either. But, I really wanna live my dream as Kpop artist. I am in my 7th grade of university has a lot thing in my back. If u ever read my recent post, u will know what I mean. What to do now? Can anyone help this desperate soul??????? PLEASE!!!!

Am a six semester students and am going to do examination. In my university, every time we will do an examination we have to memorizing some surah in Al-qur'an first then we may follow the examination. And this time I have to memorize Ar Rahman. I'll give u the method how to memorizing this surah

I always act like i'm fine and everyone thinks i'm okay, but when the lights are off and i'm all alone. that's when my tears start to fall. Best thing 2016 has taught me so far is don't force relationships with anybody, if they wanna fwu they gone act like it, words mean nothing I want a hug. Not just a normal hug, one of those tight hugs that take my breath away, give me butterflies, and make me smile like crazy. Being in a relationship is not about kissing, dates, taking pictures or showing off. It's about being with the person who makes you happy. You can’t change how people feel about you, so don’t try. Just live your life and be happy. I want a relationship where everyone is like "damn, they're still together?" Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. The first person you think of in th...

I have a dream to make my mom happy and proud of me, we have through a lot of tragedy in this year. Although I always look like I don’t care and stubborn but actually I do care as fuck. Whenever I see my mom cry, I feel like someone shoot me right in my heart. It’s so sick. Why people always want to know another person problem? Why do they look like they really care when they just wanna gossiping to make their life entertain? Do they think my family life is something that can consume by many people? If killing is illegal, am gonna kill everyone that makes my mom cry. I feel so numb when I near my neighborhood just because am so tired of them. They always said I give “I don’t give a fuck” attitude. Geez, I am. I am so done with everything about them. I hate them. Why can’t they just act like they truly are. I don’t need good mask attitude in front of me. I ain’t even care if they all talk bad about me. But, don’t touch my mom ever. Don’t make her cry except all of you really wanna k...

Well, I have no idea why I became the laziest person ever in my life right now. I wanna study in London to take english master degree and take set designer over there. I keep telling my self “Yo, move your lazy ass to university everyday and do your task properly”. Damn, I really want to study there. Why I lack of motivation?!!!!

So, yesterday mom, my younger sister and I are having fun. We are taking many pictures together. Don't ask why my dad ain't follow, cuz I've had enough to discuss about him, arasseo?! This is the pictures, I don't know why I am the shortest. HUHUHUHUHU Mom and I many people think that we are siblings, I don't get it why? she's my mom tho, not my sister Younger Sista and I her body like stick hehe but she's too heavy when I piggyback her, ugh damn mom, youngsta, and I youngsta, mom, and I mom, youngsta, and I I don't know that my mom can show her face like that in pict haha honestly I refuse to wear this kebaya coz I look so fat huhu

Since I am single I can do anything I want. Such as hangout with ma friends. Shopping by my self, traveling, food traveling, etc. Well, an hour ago my ex sending me a message. I dunno why he becoming new jerk. I hope, he'll realize that girl in his chatting line is unreal. I mean how fool is he believing someone who he barely knows. Ooppss, sorry. Hehe. We aint gonna discuss bout him tho. So let's back to the topic. Since am single I can do anything which I wish long time ago. I can watch K-pop again. Yassss ma world, back to MEEEEEE! hell, yes. Am a K-poppers. But, I've lost my chance to stay in line because my ex is throwing all of my k-pop stuff. He said it un useful. Helloooo, Music is bae. It's always with me whenever and wherever I am. But my ex? STAPH, why I keep mentioning him?! Okay, NEXT. Ma freedom is back. HAHAHAHA I used to only love BIGBANG, then I found BTS, BLOCK B, GOT7, WINNER, MONSTAX, SEVENTEEN, VIXX. Many attractive korean men keep making me ins...

So, I just break up with my boyfriend 3 days ago. I mean he's my ex-boyfriend now. The main reason is he trust his chatting friend over me. He likes chatting in some sosmed. Which I barely open my sosmed. It's not I am anti-social. Just am too lazy to see overreact people, that's it. Did you have to always post anything?! Like your life depend on it! Come on guys, you still can life even though you barely open your facebook ight?. So, back to the topic. We break up in his birthday day, I broke him up. I end our relationship. Not trying to being so mean. But, he is the one that keep disbelieve me because he keep believing his chatting friends. Which is he knows for a months and it's a girl. It's not like I didn't try to keep our relationship work, he does. Every time he says that Am a liar, Am a gold digger, Am a bad girlfriend. Just because his chatting friend told him. I don't know her name, but he ever mention a name R*******. I don't want to mention...

Since today Am not in the mood to share any beauty tips. I just thinking about my goal. I dunno why suddenly I wanna be a singer. my voice is so deep. like under the ocean. Even my friends which is boy. Always said that my voice so manly. wtf. I ever post in suncloud a song that I sing. well, then I delete it. I have no confident yanno. But, honestly what I wanna be is an actress that got many awards. I had no idea where I have to start, but I think I can start from following acting class and do something to my self. Mostly my body I mean. I am 163cm with 57kg and healing face. Well, my face is so worst. But now is getting better. I used to have a lot of acnes everywhere in my face. Now is the dark spot only and my big pore is still driving me crazy. I still can't find how can I fix it. I do many exercises to make my body fit. I don't train to slim but train to fit. how bout you? what is your goal?