Home Sweet Home

My ambition being an artist in Seoul is getting bigger. Not to mention, Bangtan is the most important reason why I am so eager to be an artist over there. If I can’t be with one of them, at least I can meet them or being participate in one of their music video, right?. I will work my asses to get myself over there and get a chance to meet them. Well, it won’t be my ambition if only I don’t know about Kpop. Blame my friend for welcoming me to Kpop, but am also thankful to her. If it’s not because of her, I won’t be able to know Bangtan and Bigbang. I won’t even know how awful and fun is trying the Kpop dance practice. I love to dance, but dancing Kpop song is different thing. Somehow the choreography is too complicated. Instead of dancing like the original choreography, I usually create new choreography. I guess it just because I love dance so much. Every time I listen to music, my body will move immediately. Although I also like to sing but I am way more confident in dancing tha

I am an 22 y.o girl, not too tall but not too short either. Am the tallest girl in my class to be honest. Shoulder length hair, tan skin, flat nose, have a dimple in my right cheek, i don't have bridge tooth, i have some pimples on my face, and good body shape (this is not me saying, but some of the boys in my college). I can be too girly or too boyish, it depends on my mood by the way. Just because of my feature some people even my lectures are bullying me. They often said like I am too handsome for being a girl and why am I too far away different with my young sister? Let me tell you about her. She is taller than me, she has bridge tooth, sharp nose, white skin, her face skin is too clear, and she is thin (Am saying this basic on the reality), well she is girly or I can say she is feminine.  the one in black veil is my young sister I just don't get it why Y'all comparing me to her? I am who I am, I love my self tho. Don't blame me because of my feature. God

Again, that's question comes from my mom's friends and my whole big family. Seriously!, like dude Seriously! WTF. Am just turning 22 this year and Y'all asking me this, again?  I dun wanna married except with one of BTS members. Sorry, haha. Kidding. Am not planning to get married soon. I just wanna work my asses and got amount of money to help my mom.

I’ve been thinking lately. Especially about my future. I don’t know that I spazzed out really bad. I just realize it today, when my mom talking to me. She said that I look like overthinking and motionless for these days, am I ? When she asks to me, there's concern and worry in her voice. I hate it, I fucking hate it when my mom worrying about me. I hate it when someone worrying me. I dun wanna make my mom worry. Like Really. Why ???? Damn it, I run out my word, my brain is literally stopped. Why???

I think am gonna start doubting my self. Like, I hate my self. I don't really like out of my house for a long time. But, I like making friend tho, through internet. Hmmm... Am starting to stop coming to university. I dunno why, I just hate my self. It feels like I don't wanna make my self better. Although I really want it. Like, How could I don't wanna make my self better. I do really need motivation or am gonna kill my self. I am depressed. I don't know what to do with my life. Can't I just disappear??? I need someone or something that keep me motivated. But, I dunno what and how Am afraid I can;t make my mom happy. But, my mind it;s doesn't work properly. Like, it will reject every time I wanna do something good. I really want to commit suicide or kill my self right now.

After working for a year then u turn to come back to study. It feels like I don't wanna study again. Well, working can make money right? whether study isn't. I choose to look for part time job just to fill the rest of my day. Unluckily, I haven't found it yet. I really wanna make some video in you tube about dance and singing skill. But, my voice is kinda manly. If u ever know Jessi from Kpop industry, my voice kinda like her but way more heavy just like V or Kim Taehyung from BTS, I guest. It makes me had no confidence. What I had to do with my damn voice????. And again, am not a dancer either. But, I really wanna live my dream as Kpop artist. I am in my 7th grade of university has a lot thing in my back. If u ever read my recent post, u will know what I mean. What to do now? Can anyone help this desperate soul??????? PLEASE!!!!